A Pyro's Life For Me
by rabidminimoose
Summary: A new minion seems to have some health problems and Engie recognizes him as one of Annet's neuro interface glitch errors. Feeling somewhat responsible for whatever is plaguing the Pyro, Engie tries to 'fix' him. Snippy dislikes the newbie and Captain feels the need to make them all have TEAM BONDING missions.


Nicolai Shubin groaned as he regained consciousness and as he tried to stand he noticed blood caked on the lenses of his mask.

"Fuck..." Nico whispered and looked about. He was in his bunker by the edge of the dead city and nothing seemed too out of place. 'Nothing but losing consciousness suddenly after getting my sand...fuck where's my sandwich?' Nico ran to the table to find an empty plate with crumbs around it. 'WHY?'

Suddenly a loud noise from the other room had Nico ready his army issued knife. Slowly making his way to the other room Nico was surprised to see another human. He/She was bent down looking through his belongings. 'Fucking scavenger.' Nico stalked over only to have immense pain ripple through his chest. He yelled and pressed his hands over his heart as it felt like it was going to explode. The other was now turned towards Nico and before his vision faded he saw bright orange goggles then darkness.

Nico awoke to the sound of annoying humming. Opening his eyes Nico blessed the radioactive clouds that made the wasteland not as bright. He noticed he was still inside his bunker and as he turned to the source of the humming his face was roughly grabbed.

"Captein captein! He's awake!" The stranger stared at Nico and the bright green lenses seemed as if they were looking straight into his very soul.

"Pilot...don't touch things that are purple. That's my color." The 'pilot' then let go of Nico's face and Nico sighed in relief. "Awww it is so good to see a fellow purple friend. I am zee Captein and I must ask why you live in such deplorable conditions? This place doesn't even have a window." Now another one was in Nico's face and he saw the small purple eyes bear him down. This guy made Nico uncomfortable.

"I...it's a bunker. It's not supposed to be anything like a real house." Nico looked away and blushed as his living space was being judged.

"Aw...but vee can change dat my friend." The other stood back up and swooshed an end of the bright red scarf over his shoulder. "Come minions! I have another mission."

"Aye Captain! Mr. Snips isn't here yet and Engie is outside! What should we do?" Pilot dropped next to Nico with his hands folded in his lap giving his captain his full attention.

"Dat Snippy..." Captain turned to his only minion and the new friend. "Well now. Since Mr. Snippy has failed to show up I guess I need another minion. You good sir look like you need a captain. I think I know where this is going and so I shall name you Pyro. What a cute Pyro you make!"

"I didn't...agree. W-what is going on?" Nico wished this was only a dream and closed his eyes shaking his head. 'Pyro? he hated fires...ever since he lost his mom in one before the world ended. Fuck...why is this even HAPPENING?'

"Has the-oh you're awake." Another person showed up and Nico stared as he remembered those orange goggles. Standing up Nico pointed and tried to say something but was once again interrupted by the pilot.

"Engie! Captain wanted us but you were outside...WHY?" Pilot also stood up and pointed at Engie. Captain then clapped his hands and also pointed to Engie.

"Um...what?" Engie was so confused and now he was getting pointed at for no reason.

"You! You attacked me and now I am this guy's minion! Why the hell did you pick my bunker in the first place!? There were like five others you could've chosen but you just had to pick mine!" Nico was enraged and now all eyes were on Engie again waiting for his reply.

"I-I just picked this one...because." Engie sighed in anger and wanted to punch the guy who he was actually worried about. "Look you fainted and I wasn't going to just leave you there."

"That's a medic's job...we still have yet to find one but I guess our plumber will have to do." Captain added.

"Ugh. Everyone...just. Get. Out. Of. My. House." Nico growled out while clenching his fists and trying his hardest not to kill everyone.

"No...this is now Captain's as you have become mine minion so too has this become mine house." Captain accentuated his ownership by jumping on the couch. Nico was about to force Captain off his couch when a new voice rang out.

"What's going on here Captain?" Another one came in from outside passing Engie and heading straight for Nico.

"Mr. Snippy please welcome our new minion...Pyro! Isn't he cute?" Captain laughed and sipped some tea.

"Pyro?" Snippy looked to Nico.

"I guess...I didn't even agree and why can't you all leave me alone?" Nico just sat back down in defeat. 'I had...somewhat of a nice post apocalyptic life alone, now this. Is this hell, did I die?'

"I know the feeling." Snippy grumbled and crossed his arms looking to the captain.

"Aww my minion is feeling stressed being the rookie? The need for team building must commence!" Captain got up and stretched, arms reaching the ceiling. "Everyone! Limber up or you might regret it."

Nico clutched his heart as pain once again rippled through his body. 'W-what happened to me! Why this...' He fell to his side and curled inwards clutching his chest.

"See...something's wrong with him." Engie ran to the shivering man.

"Well if he is unwell I guess we could just kill him and be done with it." Snippy suggested and smirked when Engie looked back at him.

"Lettuce!" Pilot proclaimed and ran outside.

"Well maybe we should have tested the Pyro before making him mine minion?" Captain asked no one in particular and remained seated.

"Well...what now?" Snippy asked Engie as Pyro stilled apparently losing consciousness again.

TBC

A/N yes this is gonna be a yaoi...lol. psst nico has an alien inside his this format looked better...site format y u look different after post?


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